The trouble with insomnia is that there are periods when I really am sleeping. Unfortunately, these periods of sleep are very brief and very light. In fact, I’m not sure I would even call it sleep. I’m sleeping but I think I’m laying awake in the bed. And if I am “thinking” am I sleeping, then how can I be sleeping. My mind and body drift uncomfortably between sleep and awake like a boat rocking gently on a small pond. The photo below is reminiscent of the sleep-awakeness that I feel during insomnia. It looks real, AND it looks dream-like. The water is calm and relaxing; its milky texture soothes like a dream. The dock is rooted like a solid anchor to reality. When I hear my alarm clock, my tired mind-body drag back to the reality of the awake.
A feather on the beach reminds me that birds use their feathers until they are all used up. They don’t sit around saving their feathers for perfect conditions. They fly, soar, and glide on the air. They beat their wings against the air, propelling their bodies higher and higher and higher. I discovered this feather on one of my meditative walks on Vilano Beach. I was looking for shells and discovered this well-used feather. I think the universe was telling me to use my talents, gifts, intellect, and body fully, to use my everything, and to use it now. I don’t want to save it for tomorrow or next year. I want to use it up for a life well lived. I want to use all my feathers and look back on my life knowing I really did FLY.
On the window sill, above the kitchen sink, Granny’s gum parker has the honor of holding Granny’s well-chewed gum. Although I don’t know for sure, I believe it still promises a bit of flavor and a few more hours of chewing. Of all the things that she left behind when she transitioned, this small, ephemeral item says so much about Granny, if you knew her. Gazing upon this well-used gum parker, I smile as I remember how she could make things last and last and how she enjoyed small pleasures in life. In loving memory of Helen Moore.
I was forced, unexpectedly, to take an Amtrak train from BWI airport to Harrisburg, PA. I usually have complete control over my journey by driving in a rental car from one point to another. Once on board the train, I relaxed into my fate and began to remember how much I used to enjoy taking a train. With a two-hour ride until my transfer to another train in Philadelphia, I snuggled into my reclining seat with ample leg room and began watching my favorite on-line Kelby training using the free, yes FREE, internet service on the train. It wasn’t long before the gentle sway and sound of the train’s rhythm took me over and transported me back to a simpler time. Occasionally, I gazed out the window to see the landscape blurring by and family and friends reuniting and saying goodbye. When I finally arrived at my transfer station, Penn Station in Philadelphia, I must say that I was a bit remorseful. Never fear, Penn Station was just another adventure on my journey. I can’t wait to take another train.